I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize