He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
