I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
