glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
so much tequila, so little girl.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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