Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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