Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
