Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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