At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
