My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
