Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize