You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
