I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
