I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
