i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
