How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
