They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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