i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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