I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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