I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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