listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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