I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
