before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize