I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
