so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
