I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We are two peas in an std pod
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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