i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
