I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
