dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
