The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
