I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
