I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
