i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
