you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I smell like Dick and happiness
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
