my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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