DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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