You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
