I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize