btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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