what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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