sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My vagina just clenched in fear
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
