There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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