Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
