So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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