dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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