I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
