In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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