morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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