farters have to be the big spoon...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
