I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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