I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
