then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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