and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
