I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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