I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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