he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
