dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize