dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
