did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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