as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I want a musical about memes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
