Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize