end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
