He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
