I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i need some magic done to my vagina
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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