I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
