hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You ruined the universe
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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