You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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