A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
