I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
