i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
There's even glitter on my cock...
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