Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
