If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
